Oscar 2012 Red Carpet Conundrums

27 Feb

As I find myself trawling the internet to fill a certain green book that you may or may not be well acquainted with… I stumble across the 2012 Oscars Red Carpet Live on Sky Living.

Although there’s usually nothing more inane than watching second- rate presenters in a studio watching first-rate presenters in the field interview actual stars on the red carpet, there’s little else I could be doing in the wee hours. Plus, this year the second rate presenter is Alex Zane and unfortunately after ten years, I still can’t seem to shake off my school-girl crush on him.

Now we all know that apart from car crash acceptance speeches, there is very little to the Oscars but the gowns. Whilst it’s always pretty easy to divide the fashion victors from the victims, here’s a look at some that may split a few hairs:

Jennifer Lopez

JLO we get it. You have a hot body. But any more of this shameless drawing attention to it and we may just have to yawn. Though this outfit isn’t a complete joke, the stripy baco-foil look along with cut away arms just makes it slightly cheap. And really it’s a shame because if it was done in a more sumptuous colour it may have looked all art deco and stuff. And we know how popular the 20s are these days. Most girls will look at this and think,”Wow I’m jealous and want to look like her” rather than realising just how lazy this is. I know what dear old Jenny was trying to do here, but unfortunately it’s a been done a few too many times before. She’s got a stunning face and shows it off with a her customary top-knot bun, but unfortunately she’s stuck too close to her usual tactics and made us more aware than ever that she’s just a pear shape masquerading as an hour glass.

Gwyneth Paltrow

So Hollywood superstar turned yummy mummy Gwyneth Paltrow finally keeps her legs under-wraps in a bid to look more elegant and lady-like. Unfortunately she slightly missed the mark in this Tom Ford number with floor-length matching cape. Gwyneth we know you live in London where it’s always safer to go out in a jacket, but this is Hollywood! Some may say it looks ultra-chic and daring, but personally I think it’s a statement made to mask the fact that she’s wearing a pretty boring dress. Team that with a dye-job that’s slightly too close in colour to her face and way too much fake tan and we have a slight problem. Most people will say she looks statuesque but I still think she could do with gaining a few pounds again…and looking slightly less like a new-age super hero.

Emma Stone

Emma Stone is one of the hottest red-heads to come of 2012, so what does she do? Wear this apparently ‘fuchsia’ dress by Giambattista Valli. Yes, the gown is floor length. Yes it in a bold colour. But is it for Miss Stone? Definitely not. The shade is far too close to some of the undertones that can be found in her skin colouring, plus it does nothing to make her own red hair pop. And then there’s the bow. The bow around her neck could have been forgiven if it was slightly smaller or tied at the back. But instead it just throws the rather cheap looking dress off-centre whilst making her neck appear non-existent! Tyra always says you gotta give neck. Here I’m afraid she just isn’t giving much of anything. This isn’t a complete frock shock, but considering this is her year to shine, she really could have done so much better.

And finally… whilst I know the point of this post wasn’t to point out the glaringly obvious, I’m afraid I’m going to have to mention the belle of the ball:

Michelle Williams

Enough said.

Right that’s three hours of my life I’ll never get back, but it sure beat filling a green book!


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